Welcome to Hard Wired

With Valentine's Day on the way love is in the air at Hard Wired towers. As any fule kno, music is a great aphrodisiac, but you have to tread carefully or disaster will strike.

One acquaintance attempted to 'seal the deal' with a lady of his acquaintance, by playing her The Cure's "Love Song". Sadly the woman in question fancied Robert Smith rather more than her would-be Romeo, and was plunged into a deep depression suddenly aware that Robert Smith would never love her the same way that he loves Mary - for whom the song was written.

Another friend thought that the way to a girl's, ahem, affections was to play Kate Bush when loving was on the cards. This, too, is fraught with danger. By playing "Wuthering Heights" you are setting yourself up for unfavourable comparisons with the great romantic hero Heathcliff. Or if you play "Running Up That Hill" you must consider whether you're quite ready for swapping gender roles as the song suggests.

And as for the woman who would only make love to the sound of the 12" version of Alien Sex Fiend's "Ignore The Machine" the less said the better...

Whether you are using music to woo another - or to heal your broken heart - this Valentine's Day, remember one thing - keep it Hard Wired.

Stuart Moses